How to Use the Directory

Welcome to the Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Directory. This blog is maintained by volunteers to act like a "telephone book" for blogs dealing with the loss of a baby.  It is open to anyone who has ever lost a baby in any way - we do not discriminate by age of your baby or circumstance of your loss.  If you think you belong here, then we think you belong here.

When you submit your blog, it is manually added to the list, so it may take some time for it to appear on the list.  When you submit your information as requested below, it is easier to spot those emails that have been redirected into the spam mail.

Blogs are listed by category of loss.  This is to help you find blogs that deal with circumstances that may be similar to yours.  That being said, it can be a moving and healing experience to read the blogs of people who's loss is not similar to yours.  You are welcome to read any of the blogs listed here.

Though there could be literally thousands of categories of loss, we have created 4 broad categories: before 20 weeks, after 20 weeks, after birth, and medical termination.  Please note that most blogs dealing with extreme prematurity are listed in the "after birth" category even though the gestational age might suggest a different category.

As a warning to those feeling particularly fragile, many of the blogs listed here discuss living children or subsequent pregnancies.  In the sidebar links, those blogs are usually marked with an asterisk(*).  However, the circumstances of individual bloggers will change, and sometimes the listings do not get updated.  It is possible to encounter pictures of living children or pregnant bellies on the blogs listed here.

We also have a list of resources (books), online links, and online publications that you may find useful.  Scroll all the way to the bottom of the page to see the full listing of links.

We are so sorry the loss of a beloved child has brought you here.  We hope that you will find some solace within the community that has gathered.
Please help us set up this resource for grieving families by:

Welcome

A. Submitting your blog information
(Email Subject: Please Add My Blog)
  • The link to your blog
  • The title of your blog
  • The topic of your blog (see sidebar - Personal Blogs)
  • If your blog discusses living children or subsequent pregnancy after loss

B. Submitting links to helpful web resources
(Email Subject: Please Add This Link)

C. Submitting titles of helpful reading materials or videos/films
(Email Subject: Please Add This Resource)

D. Adding a link to this site from your blog


                                                     ****

Saturday, May 16, 2009

New blogs submitted

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground*
Caring for Carleigh*
In Memory of Johnny Giovanni*
Babymaking 101
The Ehrlich's (Our lives in a nutshell)*

and a new resource in Online Links:

Miscarriages*

Saturday, May 9, 2009

New blogs submitted

A warm welcome to the following bloggers who recently submitted their blogs

My Yellow Brick Road Has Potholes*
Making Coyne
Still Serving HIM Through The Storm*
West Temple Life
2 Feet on Earth 1 in the Stars*

and the following resource has been added:

Noah's Rainbow: A Father's emotional journey from the death of his son to the birth of his daughter. By David Fleming

Thursday, April 23, 2009

New Blogs Submitted

A warm welcome to the following bloggers, who have submitted their blogs in the past few months:

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Saving Babies' Lives Report - Sands UK

Sands UK

Countdown to Parliament
28.02.09

On Wednesday 4th March we will be presenting our Saving Babies' Lives report which will highlight why we believe that in many cases the devastating impact of the death of a baby on the parents, their families and friends could be prevented.

The overriding message from Sands and the thousands of parents who are supporting the Why17? campaign is that the deaths of 17 babies a day in the UK is totally unacceptable. What we want to see is a clear acknowledgement of the seriousness and extent of the problem and a real, collaborative commitment to address these individual tragedies as a matter of urgency and priority.

The Why 17? campaign parliamentary launch, is an important event in the Sands calendar and will be hosted by Anne Milton MP, between 4pm and 6pm at the House of Commons.
This will give us the opportunity to raise awareness of Sands amongst key parliamentarians, as well as to present our Saving Babies’ Lives Report 2009. This new Report, being published and launched on 4th March calls for a co-ordinated, national strategy to tackle stillbirths and neonatal deaths, and the political will to prioritise the lives of babies as an urgent health issue.

There are many people who have been instrumental to the Why17? campaign. To all those families, staff, volunteers and supporters of Sands who have backed the Why17? campaign since its inception, you are the driving force behind the campaign and our thanks go out to each and every one of you.

Together we can make a difference.

Monday, March 2, 2009

New blogs submitted

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

Here Am I*
Why Can't I Stay Pregnant?*
Miranda The Butterfly
It Only Hurts When I Breathe*
In The River*
A Journey Through Loss*
Semi-fertile: When The Egg Is Willing But The Womb Is Weak

Saturday, February 7, 2009

New blogs submitted

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

Lala Land*
Rachels Ramblings 365
Today I Crawled Out From Under My Rock
Trying to Believe in Miracles
EllisJane

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Upcoming UK News Story

The following request for participation was recently submitted:

I am a freelance journalist researching a story for a national UK publication about how blogging helps mothers deal with the loss of a child. The purpose of the article is to highlight how blogs can go some way towards dealing with grief by providing an outlet for thoughts and feelings as well as building a support network via the larger blogging community. This is a subject that, to the best of my knowledge, gets little attention in the mainstream media but I have definite interest from an editor and the story ought to be helpful in publicizing baby loss blogs, particularly in the UK. I understand that this is a very delicate matter and I would like to stress that I do not intend to probe any areas that a family deems private. If you are a UK blogger and would like to discuss this a little further I would be happy to answer any concerns you might have. I can be reached via email at pdberger AT gmail DOT com.

Paul Berger.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

New blogs submitted

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

Life Without Clarence*
Our Cup Runneth Over
Kirchink
Carly Nicole Elliotte My Micro-Preemie and Hannah Kathlean Elliotte...My angel in heaven
By the pricking of my thumbs

Friday, January 30, 2009

New blogs submitted

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

One in my heart and one in my arms*
Tuesday's Hope
Overeducated Mommy*
Embracing My Life*
Heart Heal Hope*
The Real Bean

Monday, January 26, 2009

New blogs submitted

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

From Valleys to Rivers*
burble
Missing Eliana
life without my baby
Into The West
The Great Umbrella Heist*
Until we meet again...
Forever in our Hearts*
loving, living and loss*
STILL
Departed Angel
Are we there yet??*
aurelia ann*
November I will Always Remember
Everything Is Under Control*

New blogs submitted

A warm welcome to the following bloggers:

Thoughts From A Grieving Mother*
From The Grid And Beyond*
Harry Line*
Life and Love in the Petri Dish
Because You Never Know
Tiny Footprints*
Surrender*

Sunday, January 25, 2009

New blogs submitted

A warm welcome to the following bloggers

Dan, Hillary, and Little Russell
A Garden For Butterflies
Infant Loss- Past, Present, Future
A Lifetime of Love
Shareapy
He Will Carry Me
California is Calling
Angels Brielle and Natalie
More Love to Thee

If you sent an email and your blog hasn't been added yet, apologies. Please bear with us as we work together to catch up on a backlog of emails.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

First person

When Thelma Williams' baby died at birth, his body was whisked away and he wasn't spoken of again. It took 40 years to confront her grief and finally give a name to her lost child - James
As told to Kate Hilpern


The Guardian, Saturday 10 January 2009

I know I'm not the first woman to have found something she would rather not have discovered in her husband's suit pocket. In my case, it was a notification of the burial of our son. I didn't even know he had been buried until that moment. I had been told when I was six months pregnant that he would die the moment he left my body and somehow I just accepted it when he was whisked away and never spoken of again. This was the 1960s. You didn't talk about such things.

At least, I think it was the 1960s. That's the thing. It could have been 1970. I couldn't tell you what day it was, what season, let alone which year - such was my determination to follow the advice and forget, a task only momentarily but acutely interrupted by the burial slip.
We had another baby later on. I did everything they told me, resting almost solidly for nine months. On 26 December 1971, in the afternoon, Emma was born, a beautiful little girl weighing 7lb 13oz. Home we went with joy in our hearts and everything ahead of us.

It was only when Emma had her own baby, Millie, that it hit me. They say time heals, but there has been nothing chronological about my journey of grief. Nor anything predictable. Out of nowhere it came, threatening to drive a wedge between me and my granddaughter, a granddaughter I had loved unconditionally from the moment I knew she was conceived. But love is different from bonding, I have learned. Bonding is something I could not do with Millie until I acknowledged the loss of my baby boy. And when I had done that - and at last found a place for him to rest in my consciousness - I discovered a bond closer than I could have imagined.

It was 2004, the year before I turned 70, that Emma became pregnant. It was such wonderful news and at first I accepted my niggles of fear as normal. Doesn't every mother of a pregnant daughter worry like mad that everything will be all right? But my anxiety kept growing. Emma knew the reason immediately. Once she reached adolescence, I told her about my stillbirth. She had wanted to know why she had no brothers and sisters. I had surprised myself with how "together" I sounded when I spoke of it. I could relay the facts - facts of which I had hardly mentioned in decades - without a tear in my eye and after I told Emma, I found I could tell others too. Provided I stuck to the facts - and didn't enter the realm of feelings - I sounded like a survivor.

Emma knows me very well and as the weeks of her pregnancy totted up, she spotted the cracks in my shield. She wanted to protect me, to reassure me that everything was OK, but understandably she was starting to feel anxious too. Could what had happened to me happen to her too?

We spoke to the midwife and the specialist. They assured us that all was well. The specialist knew about the condition that befell me when I was pregnant and was shocked to hear how I was treated. He used the word barbaric. He asked if I would like to see the scan of Emma's baby for myself, so I could feel comforted. I did see the scan but I didn't feel comforted. More

Saturday, November 8, 2008

My First Son, a Pure Memory

By DAVID HLAVSA
Published: September 19, 2008

HAVING waited until we were in our 30s to start a family, my wife and I were having trouble conceiving, leading to sperm tests, hormone shots and other extraordinary measures.

Over many months, the process of conception became so technical that when Lisa told me she was at last pregnant, I found it hard to know what to credit. After the first ultrasound, she came home with a black-and-white picture of a tiny curled-up creature. We put it on the refrigerator: my son, the lima bean.

At 20 weeks, we went in together for the second ultrasound. The technician made small talk and popped his gum as he dimmed the lights. Lisa lay back on the table. I shifted in my seat, jammed my hands into my pockets, and stretched out my legs like a teenager settling in to watch a movie. As the technician slid the paddle around on Lisa’s belly, the image on the computer screen wheeled, dipped and blurred.

Finally my son’s image popped into focus. Arms and legs folded, he seemed to be resting on his back, as if lying on the bottom of a pool, waiting to spring to the surface.

I said, “Cool.”

The technician muttered something, hit a button to freeze the image and walked briskly out of the room.

A few minutes later, in walked a small man wearing a rumpled white coat and steel-rimmed glasses, his bow tie askew. He shut the door behind him.

I don’t remember exactly what he said; he looked as if someone had left him out in the rain. What we had taken for a frozen image, he explained, was in fact absolute stillness.

We still refer to the man as Doctor Death, perpetually forlorn, always breaking bad news. They keep him in a closet. (A year later, pregnant with our second son, Benjamin, my wife turned a corner at the hospital and saw him at a nurses’ station; she did an abrupt, involuntary about-face.)

After Doctor Death left, our midwife arrived to explain that we had a decision to make. Did we want to schedule a D and C or induce labor? Her language was very plain, but it took a while for me to understand what she was really asking: Did we want the pregnancy to end in a surgical procedure in the outpatient clinic, or in the maternity ward as a stillbirth? We asked whether there were medical advantages or disadvantages to either choice. She told us it was simply a matter of preference. No hurry. Let us know. More

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Upcoming Documentary for Broadcast in Canada

Sheona McDonald recently finished a documentary film called "Capturing A Short Life". It will broadcast on CBC Newsworld, The Lens, on December 9th, 2008 at 10pm.